I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
