Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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