Your tits are I can't wait for
...so i touched it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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