Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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