Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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