If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
