He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
