My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
