Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
