i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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