There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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