thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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