Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
