Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
