You can't motorboat a personality
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
