smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
