Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
