Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
