my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
