we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize