I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
