I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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