Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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