Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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