We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize