How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
