If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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