I'm so fucking centered right now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize