Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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