I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
