did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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