apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
