We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
