this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
