i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
