Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
