Soap is not a condiment
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
