The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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