my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
