can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
