would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
