I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
