There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
