so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My life is pants optional.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
