Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
