cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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