allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
