You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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