so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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