I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
