gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
