Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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