Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
