come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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