How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
