I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
