Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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