I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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