i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
