i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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