So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
