Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
