What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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