his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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