I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
