laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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