thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
