So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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