I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
