dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
