So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
