Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
