Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
