We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
