Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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