Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
