So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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