sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
