Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize