my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
