wakey wakey hands off snakey
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
