I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You are a genius and a whore.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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